End of year approaches with fast steps leaving behind the all joyous, warm summer. Colors change letting us see the amazing tapestry of nature, the cycle of life undoubtedly starts showing. Without even grasping the fast transition I woke up the other day realizing, here we are, at that introspective time of the year.
November starts with an even stronger reminder of our lost ones come All Saints day, and a heavy feeling of grief stays with us. This got me thinking… What does grief mean for each and every one of us? How does it affect us? How do we process it? How do we choose to go through this transition?
The Twist of life – true story
As I sat down to gather my thoughts and put them on paper my phone rang. One of my closest friends asked me if I was free to join her while she visited her passing school friend who is in the hospital. Thank you, Source I said in my mind (not knowing what to expect) perfect timing! Wanting to support my friend I decided to go and let myself open to what life wanted to show me.
On our way, we talked about how prepared or better said unprepared she feels to let go of the physical form of her longtime friend, even though she knew this time was coming. So many of us do not have this time. Even having it, no matter the amount of mental and emotional preparation it is still oh so hard. There is no amount of time available that will ever be enough for anyone to be ready for such a transition. There will always be so many things we wished we said, or didn’t say, so many ways we could have behaved in differently. The sad truth is, non of those things would have changed the fact.
I believe that we are Spiritual beings having a physical experience and when we learned and experienced what we came here to experience, that realm of pure love is where we return to. And it is our soul`s choice when and under which circumstances to do so. And yes, sometimes it is painful to witness, very painful. Blaming ourselves does not help, it only keeps us stuck and in more pain.
As I sat on a bench outside the hospital I watched families arriving then on their way out, listening to parts of conversations. Hearing how (understandably) all their focus, love and care was toward their loved ones left inside, I couldn`t help but wonder: how will they to cope with the waves of anger, grief, pain, sadness that will burst in days, maybe weeks or months? The feelings were so present, so palpable, It was all I could think about – how do we cope in times like this?
We are all so different and so is grief, which comes in many shapes and forms. All we can do is honor our feelings and the process.
How do I survive this?
Coming to grips with a loss is unimaginably hard. Even tough death is a natural process of life the feelings around it are very powerful. They can take control of our lives.
Grief comes in stages, just like peeling an onion and we all have our own way to process it. To some is soothing to talk about a loss, over and over, others find comfort by getting in their inner cave and be present with the feelings that arise, there are people who need to spend time in their beloved favorite space, looking at pictures, another way of coping for a period of time is get into work, work and more work.
There is NO GOOD OR BAD WAY to grieve.
NO RIGHT OR WRONG. YOUR PERSONAL WAY IS THE RIGHT WAY.
I invite you keep on open mind and heart, be loving and patient with yourself, just like you were with your loved one who transitioned. Trust and know, that allowing yourself heal at your own pace, whatever that might be does not mean you let go too easy, too soon… There is no letting go, you are not letting go… you love yourself enough and honor the life you have, to allow yourself to heal.
You may find that taking one step at a time is a way to survive, a way that will help not getting stuck and not seeing the day you will find peace. A new kind of peace. Because let`s face it and be honest, life will never be the same.
What can I do when I feel overwhelmed?
Whenever the place and time allows it, let your feelings and thoughts surface.. easier said than done you might say. And you are right… It is hard.
You might visit a place, see a food on a menu that your spouse, mom, dad, friend favored, get to an anniversary, hear a song… all these can trigger unexpected and overwhelming emotions.
Allow yourself to live them, so you can move through them. Maybe you won`t do it in that particular moment and place., but when are back home in a safe environment, let your feelings come up. It is a process, and there will come a time when thinking of your loved one will fill your heart with love and the taste of wonderful memories.
KNOW, THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Yes, I put myself in your shoes J I was in those shoes, well my shoes, my loss.. that even today after 18 years brings a mix of tears and love inside me… I understand if you say that 18 years seems like a very long time, that you wish this pain would get easier to bare in less time. And You are completely right!
You get support at the end of this article, in the form of a tapping practice to ease these overwhelming feelings.
As I write these lines I remember my dear friend whom I lost all those years ago. Someone who was very dear to me and was there for me through very hard times in my teenage years. We were out with a group of friends dancing and for whatever reason, at the end of the night I decided last minute to take a taxi home. One hour later I got a phone call.. My friends were in a car accident, two of them passed away instantly, the others were in the hospital. Even now I re-live that pain, not as sharp as before. but it is there. It will never go away completely.
There was no EFT, no SRT, nothing in my tool box that could help me with my feelings. I lost a friend who at one point not long before saved me from a not so pleasant experience. I was supposed to be in that car too. Why? It is not right! Why? I kept asking.. I never got the answer. I did not understand and all I had was my belief that he was in a better place, a loving place. That comforted me a little.
Then the process started, and what helped me then was that reminder, and the belief that there is no death, there is transformation. There is Life and Life. If not.. what is the point of all this? And a song, the song we all danced on, the last time. Funny enough is a song called Sky… Every time I hear that song my heart fills with love now, not with sorrow anymore.
TAP FOR FEELING BETTER
Every cell in our bodies stores every single emotion, thought, experiences, shock and trauma, just like it does when we experience something happy and positive. The more we keep inside such strong emotions, the more we damage our health and prevent our own healing from loss.
We all deserve to stay emotionally and mentally healthy. So, for those times when you do feel overwhelmed with whatever emotion may arise, I propose you the below EFT exercise. Feel free to name the emotions that are true for You while you are tapping through the points.
FEW MORE THOUGHTS
It`s immensely hard to live through losing someone we love. The grieving process can be long and hard. The healing process requires patience, selflove, and as much selfcare. Respecting yourself and your feelings in this journey is very important. You, dear reader, deserve to live and to feel better again, in your own time, at your own pace!
Tapping can provide relief for these strong feelings. I can only recommend you to try this practice, that helped me time and time again.
When nothing else works – tapping practice
Practice time, on average:
In which cases, how often and to whom I recommend this practice:
Use this practice in those days when you feel like your feelings are overwhelming you and no matter what you do, nothing helps you feel calmer.